anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
