Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
