Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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