i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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