i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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