Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
