sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
