No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
