Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize