I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
