We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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