They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
