So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Still dying that you shit outside
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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