all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
