Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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