SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need water and some morals
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
