When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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