Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
