Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
