can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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