You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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