Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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