Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This toilet bowl is my home.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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