So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
