"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
