i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize