"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
