She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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