If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
