We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
