By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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