If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
