WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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