So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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