TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
