Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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