All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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