just tell him i said nine months
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
