I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
