I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
