literally had 100 drinks last night.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
