Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
