I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
