I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
