also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
