I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
