my soul wont recognize me after tonight
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
