the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Im part way to drunk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
