I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My cat gives me a boner
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
