Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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