I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
