clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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