i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
