halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
