yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
