I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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