I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
