Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
