I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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