the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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