Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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