im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
