hell yes lets make some ravioli
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
