Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
