we have pet lesbian snakes
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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