his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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