I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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