White coat. Heels.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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