I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
