Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
