Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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