What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My cat gives me a boner
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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