So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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