whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
