just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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